Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
