Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
