I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
