we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
