The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
What a dumb baby whore.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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