also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
