god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
