There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
