i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
