I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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