i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
