I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
