i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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