The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
