Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
