Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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