How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
