did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
