I should be sponsored by Trojan
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
