i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
