she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
