i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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