I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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