My room smells like vodka and shame
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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