I hope mine doesn't look like that
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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