I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
