Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
