And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
