you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
