I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
