Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
