And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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