Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My liver just broke up with me...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Randomize
