I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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