i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
His hands were made for my vagina.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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