Taylor Swift is so right about you.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
