I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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