is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Houston, we have a squirter
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
