why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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