i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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