you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
