When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
