dude i'm inner monologue high
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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