i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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