how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
