gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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