I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
