apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
