we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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