Heybabeimwearingurpanties
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
