Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
